Before I get too far into this forum, I want to get one thing out of the way. There is an etiquette to the golf tantrum.
Now I know, this sounds antithetical. After all, blowing a gasket on the golf course is by its very nature a display of an absence of etiquette. Golf is prim and proper. Screaming an obscenity is not.
True as that may be, it doesn’t mean that us club-throwers are without any sense of decency. To quote the Elephant Man, “I am not an animal!” I’m just a guy who sometimes loses his cool after short-siding himself with a skanky blocked 8-iron.
Here are what I believe are the five chief rules of etiquette for the golfer who simply must let off steam.
1) Scream as much as you want, throw your club – or several clubs – as far as you want, just don’t do it while a fellow golfer is playing a shot.
2) Even if your rage is blinding, remember to look before you throw. You might not get invited back to the course if you injure someone with a line-drive putter to the head. (or at the very least, you’ll have to pay for her lunch and the umbrella, like Judge Smails.)
3) Don’t damage the course, especially the greens and tees. A club slam that takes an extra divot out of the fairway or rough is unappealing, but on the bottom edge of tolerable. A golfer who does something like that to a green is like a gambler who doesn’t pay his debts. And we all know what happens to that guy.
4) When you throw a club, make sure it’s in the direction you’re heading. Nobody wants to wait around while you walk backwards, or into the thicket, to retrieve that 7-iron.
5) If you pull your throw (it’s happens to the best of us occasionally) and it heads toward the group on the previous green, make sure to yell fore. Then apologize.
If you can think of any rules of etiquette for the enraged golfer that I have left out, please comment.